Parenting

First we have examples from Overheard at the Beach.

Woman to friend: Look at that woman. She so fat, we should call Greenpeace to roll her back in the ocean.
Little girl passing by fat woman: My mommy says Greenpeace should roll you back into the ocean!

--Zandvoort, Netherlands

Overheard by: Linda

**********

Little girl: I'm gonna... I'm gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don't know...
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! ... Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

--Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin

Next are examples from Overheard in New York.

Little kid: No, you gotta do the secret handshake.
Friend: What?
Little kid: The secret handshake! [Stands behind friend and starts thrusting his hips against friend's rear.] Boom! Boom! Boom!
Little kid's mom: Josh, that's not nice!

**********

Father to 10-year-old son: She likes ziti, french fries, pizza, and cake? Do you know what she's going to be in high school? Fat. Never date a girl that likes to eat more than two things. First rule in life.

--Gennaro restaurant

Overheard by: Aislinn

**********

Son: ... But are they really bad guys, or just guys gone wrong?
Father: Some of these men have committed gruesome killings.
Son: Wow.
Father: It is why I can never be on one of those juries, since I was part of an attempted murder case. I was the killee, not the killer...

--78th & Madison

Overheard by: nyc8675309

**********

Mom: Don't lean over the tracks like that.
Five-year-old son: I'm just looking for the train.
Mom: It's dangerous, you could fall.
Five-year-old son: Daddy's doing it. You're not saying it to him.
Mom: I'm your mother, and I told you to stop. Daddy can do what he wants. [Boy sulks for a few minutes.] Okay, do you want to call Grandma when we get home so she can yell at Daddy for leaning over the tracks?
Five-year-old son: Yes.

--34th St subway platform

**********

Negligent mom: He's a little boy -- that's what he's supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!

--Danice, 125th & 8th

Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag

And finally, 3 more from Overheard in the Office.

Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they've invented that, Mom.

Chestnut Ridge Pediatrics
Woodcliffe Lake, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mothers Anonymous

**********

Little girl holding Bad Santa: Nana, can I get this Santa movie?
Grandmother: No, you can't.
Little girl: But my mommy and daddy watched it.
Grandmother: That's because your parents are bad people.

Wal-Mart
Raynham, Massachusetts

**********

Little boy looking at stuffed animal: Look, Mommy, it's the monkey that comes out of your butt!
Mother: Yes, it's the monkey that flies out of your ass. That's why we're not going back to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Learning Express
Exton, Pennsylvania