For your amusement

Sorry, but you are about to be exposed to my sense of humor. Perhaps you've seen some of these, but revisiting them is always goodness.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

If you spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would cover the Sahara Desert.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Via