Obama to GOP: I Will Quit Smoking if You Will Quit Being Dicks

Maybe this will work. Its a bold idea. But my solution is so God damn better.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama today threw down a new gauntlet in the battle over healthcare reform, telling his Republican opponents, “Here’s the deal: I will quit smoking if you will quit being dicks.”

While most political observers expected the GOP leadership to reject the President’s offer out of hand, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) suggested that he and other top Republicans would “take seriously” Mr. Obama’s challenge to cease their dick-like behavior.

“We want what’s best for the American people,” Rep. Boehner said. “If that means making a supreme sacrifice, which stopping being dicks definitely would be, we will certainly consider that.”

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention my solution. Obama needs, by executive order, executive privilege, voodoo*, to take away all government supplied health care from all senators and representatives and state they not get it back unless they include all Americans in the HCR legislation including single payer. That's it. Period.

* I have no clue how or by what mechanism, but he can order Americans' assassinations so this should be a fucking walk in the park.

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