How to parent

Ya just can't believe what people hear others say sometimes.

Boss: So, how was everybody's weekend?
Mother of the year, proudly: I got so drunk at my daughter's sixth birthday party that I passed out on the couch at three p.m. I think my husband kept an eye on all the kids, but either way, everyone was gone when I woke up at 5:30.

Lebanon, New Jersey
Overheard by: she was gone, too, from the sound of it.

Mother to child: No, we already have nine guns at home!

Wal-Mart Supercenter, Conneaut Lake Road
Meadville, Pennsylvania

Kid yelling: What are we doing after dinner? [Parents ignore him] What are we doing after dinner?!
Mom, calmly: Stop yelling, or I'll have to kill you.

--10th St, between Broadway & University
Overheard by: Calling the Morgue

(all via Overheard in New York or Overheard in the Office)