How to parent

More examples of how to parent.

First from Overheard in New York.

Mom to kid: Do you know that purse I stole from Grandma? Hide it. She's coming over.
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20-something chick #1: ... So was she, like, dating that married guy?
20-something chick #2: No! Man, you can't date a married guy, he's married! You can only fuck a married guy.
Lady with kids: Do you mind?!
20-something chick #2: If you don't want your kids to hear about fucking married men, then don't raise them in New York!

--34th & Madison

Overheard by: I hate kids too...
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Mother: Shit, girl. You ain't getting no more cheese for the rest of eternity if I got anything to do with it.
Young girl, crying: I hope I die.
Mother: Well, when you die, heaven help you, they know you lactose intolerant up there, too. So no funny stuff, understand?

--B63 bus, Park Slope

Overheard by: John Proctor
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Little kid whispering: I don't have to pee.
Dad: Shut up.

--Men's room, MoMA

Overheard by: dues

Next we have an item from Overheard at the Beach.

Little boy: Dad, what kind of birds are these?
Dad: Those are pigeons, but at the seaside they will call them 'seagulls'!

--Ostseebad Damp, Germany

Overheard by: Pascal

And 2 more from Overheard in the Office.

Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy.
Dad: No.
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy... P'ease?
Dad: No. C'mon, we taught you how to walk for a goddamned reason. Let's move it.

Target
Avon, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu
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Child in stall: Mommy, where does that hole go?
Mother: It's not a hole, it's a pipe, and it goes to where the child-catcher lives. Now hurry up!

601 West Peace Street
Raleigh, North Carolina

And finally from MSNBC.

The 17-year-old murder suspect police say was urged by his mother to shoot a rival after a fist-fight turned himself in to police Friday.

Clarence Johnson had been sought by investigators since the fatal shooting of Robert Dawson, also 17, on Wednesday night.

Johnson initially walked away from what witnesses described as a routine fight with Dawson — but then, according to police, he returned with a gun his mother gave him, along with instructions to seek revenge.