Pets

OK, our subject is pets.

I've had a dog which bit me.

I had a bull calf who loved to hit me with his head. In case you are not from the country, a bull calves's head is approximately the equivalent of stone.

I had a cat which loved to scratch the hell out of me.

Also had an iguana which shredded my forearms. Why the fuck I never got infected is a mystery to me.

I had tarantulas, scorpions and piranhas, none of which did me any harm.

Gander? Yeah, he was a piece of work. Left welts for weeks on my hands.

Then there was the fucking rooster who loved to stab me with his spurs.

Jesus H Christ in the saddle how did I forget this? I've had two horses try their fucking best to kill me. One nearly did.

Come to think of it, being slow to learn, I don't think I like animals.