Obama to GOP: I Will Quit Smoking if You Will Quit Being Dicks

Maybe this will work. Its a bold idea. But my solution is so God damn better.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama today threw down a new gauntlet in the battle over healthcare reform, telling his Republican opponents, “Here’s the deal: I will quit smoking if you will quit being dicks.”

While most political observers expected the GOP leadership to reject the President’s offer out of hand, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) suggested that he and other top Republicans would “take seriously” Mr. Obama’s challenge to cease their dick-like behavior.

“We want what’s best for the American people,” Rep. Boehner said. “If that means making a supreme sacrifice, which stopping being dicks definitely would be, we will certainly consider that.”

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention my solution. Obama needs, by executive order, executive privilege, voodoo*, to take away all government supplied health care from all senators and representatives and state they not get it back unless they include all Americans in the HCR legislation including single payer. That's it. Period.

* I have no clue how or by what mechanism, but he can order Americans' assassinations so this should be a fucking walk in the park.

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There are like a thousand lies going around in the punditsphere these days regarding health care reform. Let’s have a look at one now. They’re saying

Hugh Laurie

The liars are of both political stripes.

This guy starts out fairly calmly, but his anger really builds quickly.

There are like a thousand lies going around in the punditsphere these days regarding health care reform. Let’s have a look at one now.

They’re saying that there is no public support for health care reform. They’re saying that nobody has protested in support of health care reform. Not true.

Or don’t we count May 2009, when doctors and nurses showed up at the initial hearings, demanding to heard on single payer and were tossed out summarily on their asses? This lady sure was a protestor for single payer. So is this lady.

The anger comes after the above on his site. Its short.

He's also exactly right. Many people have protested and gotten involved. Especially doctors and nurses who see how bad health care is on a daily basis.



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