Really kewl world time site

Actually I use the world clock most of the time, but this site is very good too.

I guess it depends on whether you like bells and whistles or just data.

This is so wrong

I found this picture over at Dependable Renegade (watertiger).

My reaction is this is a photo-op that should never have occurred. Pictures of Bush are always "saying" something and this one says, "Fuck the Muslim religion." And, though it could probably not be proved, I'd bet the farm Bush has uttered almost exactly those words.

And here is what the leader of the Western world, valiant warrior in the battle of cultures, promised to do to bin Laden if he caught him: "I will screw him in the ass!"

Yeah, he talks that way in private.

Hey Bush, send the Secret Service for take-out or tell the WH chef you want pork for dinner.

Cat Blogging

Nope, I still have no cat.

For your amusement

(via Indexed)

For your consideration

Over at Damage Control, Philip Racuel takes a look at the big picture in Iraq.

And he goes "out there" a bit as you can see.

I truly believe, given all the evidence we have thus far, that the Bush Crime Family will stop at nothing to keep their "war" going. My gut is telling me that it is not "insurgents" targeting the helicopters- it is the private Blackwater mercenaries in our employ in concert with the CIA. Think back to the Noriega insanity and linking the CIA to things like this is not all that an outrageous claim.

Just wait- eventually these downed choppers will be linked to Iran or weapons that were allegedly provided by Iran.

The thing is, as you read this article, you keep thinking, "I don't want to believe this stuff." But then you realize who's calling the shots and how terribly easy it is for all this to be true.

Parenting

First we have examples from Overheard at the Beach.

Woman to friend: Look at that woman. She so fat, we should call Greenpeace to roll her back in the ocean.
Little girl passing by fat woman: My mommy says Greenpeace should roll you back into the ocean!

--Zandvoort, Netherlands

Overheard by: Linda

**********

Little girl: I'm gonna... I'm gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don't know...
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! ... Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

--Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin

Next are examples from Overheard in New York.

Little kid: No, you gotta do the secret handshake.
Friend: What?
Little kid: The secret handshake! [Stands behind friend and starts thrusting his hips against friend's rear.] Boom! Boom! Boom!
Little kid's mom: Josh, that's not nice!

**********

Father to 10-year-old son: She likes ziti, french fries, pizza, and cake? Do you know what she's going to be in high school? Fat. Never date a girl that likes to eat more than two things. First rule in life.

--Gennaro restaurant

Overheard by: Aislinn

**********

Son: ... But are they really bad guys, or just guys gone wrong?
Father: Some of these men have committed gruesome killings.
Son: Wow.
Father: It is why I can never be on one of those juries, since I was part of an attempted murder case. I was the killee, not the killer...

--78th & Madison

Overheard by: nyc8675309

**********

Mom: Don't lean over the tracks like that.
Five-year-old son: I'm just looking for the train.
Mom: It's dangerous, you could fall.
Five-year-old son: Daddy's doing it. You're not saying it to him.
Mom: I'm your mother, and I told you to stop. Daddy can do what he wants. [Boy sulks for a few minutes.] Okay, do you want to call Grandma when we get home so she can yell at Daddy for leaning over the tracks?
Five-year-old son: Yes.

--34th St subway platform

**********

Negligent mom: He's a little boy -- that's what he's supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!

--Danice, 125th & 8th

Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag

And finally, 3 more from Overheard in the Office.

Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they've invented that, Mom.

Chestnut Ridge Pediatrics
Woodcliffe Lake, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mothers Anonymous

**********

Little girl holding Bad Santa: Nana, can I get this Santa movie?
Grandmother: No, you can't.
Little girl: But my mommy and daddy watched it.
Grandmother: That's because your parents are bad people.

Wal-Mart
Raynham, Massachusetts

**********

Little boy looking at stuffed animal: Look, Mommy, it's the monkey that comes out of your butt!
Mother: Yes, it's the monkey that flies out of your ass. That's why we're not going back to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Learning Express
Exton, Pennsylvania

Coporate greed in a nutshell

Found at Left I on the News. This is the headline of a story at www.mercurynews.com.

Revenue, profit up; HP eyes more cuts

Obviously management has it right, but it doesn't make them right. Try a little compassion now, guys.

Cojones of the large kind

Any regular reader here knows I'm for a troop withdraw, including the UK, but as long as there is fighting there...

Prince Harry, third in line to the British throne, is getting his wish to serve in Iraq. The Ministry of Defense ended speculation that had been swirling for about a week by announcing Thursday the 22-year-old prince will be sent to Iraq with his Blues and Royals regiment in May or June. Harry, a second lieutenant, will assume a troop commander's role.

Obviously Prince Harry could have avoided being sent to Iraq. He would have taken a lot of flak from the press and the public, but he could have done it.

The difference between the prince and the king (Bush) is the prince has balls. Bush proved he has none.

Pointing to Kerry's war record by implication highlights the absence of his contemporary George W. Bush, who, on his own admission, had joined the Texas Air National Guard to avoid the war.

Must Read IMHO

Its long, but well worth your time. Its over at Balloon Juice.

The Pentagon is planning to send more than 14,000 National Guard troops back to Iraq next year, shortening their time between deployments to meet the demands of President Bush’s buildup, Defense Department officials said Wednesday.

National Guard officials told state commanders in Arkansas, Indiana, Oklahoma and Ohio last month that while a final decision had not been made, units from their states that had done previous tours in Iraq and Afghanistan could be designated to return to Iraq next year between January and June, the officials said.

...


A lengthy call-up to a war in a foreign country would have destroyed my life. I would have lost my job (and spare me the nonsense about people keeping their jobs- I worked for a small company, they would have had to replace me). My academic career would have been put on hold, and I would probably have had to start over again. I also would have earned significantly while on active duty than I did while working my job, and incurred debts paying for rent in a place I was not living, paying insurance/monthly bills on a car I could not drive, etc.

An astute observer might, at this point, say two things. First, are there not programs in place to help with those burdens? The answer, of course, is, “yes.” There are programs to ease the financial burdens of call-ups, to suspend cc and home and car payments until a person returns from duty. But the bills still exist, and do not go away. You just pay them later, and with a significant loss in earning power for the duration of your activation.

Science vs faith

Two more clever flow charts from Wellington Grey to explain scientific method vs faith.

(Go to charts)

What would Bush do?

Very clever flow chart of Bush's brain.



(Large version of chart)

I'm back…sort of

Still not feeling great, but then, I never do so I'm nearing normal.

I think the soup may have helped a lot.

Not feeling good right now

Will be back to blogging as soon as I can. Sorry.

Popcorn Chicken Recipe

With no hint of shame I stole this in its entirety from Jonco.

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that.

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out...give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.

And you thought I couldn’t cook.

I don't "do" '08, but this guy does

For some reason Barack Obama is all over the news. Fear of him? Admiration? Jealousy? I have no idea, but here's a good analysis of what he faces.

For your amusement

I may do this sort of post now and again. That is until one of the corporations issues a cease and desist order. If you have any bastardized logos, please send me the info.

It started with the ol' Starbucks© logo.


And now on to McDonalds©.

This is so wrong

This poor woman, assuming she hasn't had breast enlargement, should seriously consider breast reduction.

Got a twofer must read IMHO for ya

Must read number 1.

Must read number 2.

Don't say it. I know I'm lazy. But I do direct you to sites where non-lazy people post. Gimme a break.

Fantastic site

Current disasters by location.

Via neatorama.

For your amusement

This site has the 100 best vanity plates in the US.

I found it via neatorama.

Stop nukular proliferation

This is a good post I would hope the US government critters read. And others.

They all be changing logos

After the International Red Cross changed to the non-religious red crystal logo, we now have this.

The International Atomic Energy Agency released a new warning symbol to supplement the elegant and traditional but meaningless trefoil radiation warning symbol.

(via Boing Boing)

Ridiculous

And tragic at the same time. Condi is saying the US is not trying to wipe out the Sunnis? She can be such a joker sometimes.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told Iraqi leaders Saturday that the Baghdad security operation needs to "rise above sectarianism" and noted that no U.S. or Iraqi forces have yet moved into the capital's major Shiite militia stronghold, an Iraqi official said.

The official, who was familiar with the discussions, said Rice told Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki that the initial stage of the crackdown, which began Wednesday, appeared to focus on Sunni areas and had left Sadr City, stronghold of the Mahdi Army militia, nearly untouched.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he is not authorized to release the information to the media.

He said Rice stopped short of accusing the Iraqis of displaying pro-Shiite bias in the operation and said it appeared that the security crackdown was going well.

Top Sunni politicians have also complained that Sunni neighborhoods have been targeted for raids and searches while Sadr City and other Shiite militia hideouts have been spared.

She told the Iraqis that the operation must "rise above sectarianism" and that this was the "last chance for success," he said without elaborating.

And as for "going well"? Hahaha. She's such a card.

(read more)

Yeah, I'm lazy

Check out this cartoon.

Must Read IMHO

Oh hell, I'm not going to bother linking to a post. Just go read everything at Anything They Say. It all be good.

Iraq blasts kill 63, send grim message

Ya get a sense the SURGE™ ain't working? Just asking.

Militants struck back Sunday in their first major blow against a U.S.-led security clampdown in Baghdad with car bombings that killed at least 63 people, left scores injured and sent a grim message to officials boasting that extremist factions were on the run.

So maybe the crackdown isn't quite the "brilliant success" al-Maliki claimed?

I've said before and will repeat here. The...US...will...not...win. The...US...can...not...win.

(read more)

Planning seen in insurgents' attacks on U.S. helicopters

Duh! Why does everyone except hyper-cognitive progressive bloggers think the US is fighting complete idiots? Of course they plan and adjust to US tactics. As the saying goes, their mothers didn't raise no fools.

Documents captured from Iraqi insurgents indicate that some of the recent fatal attacks against U.S. helicopters are the result of a carefully planned strategy to focus on downing coalition aircraft, one that U.S. officials say has been carried out by mounting coordinated assaults with machine guns, rockets and surface-to- air missiles.

At this point I'm skeptical the US military is equally adept at adjusting.

(read more)

Ya wanna steal my car? Go ahead and try

This is a pic of a car protected by a Tesla coil. Kewl pic.

(read more)

A question for bloggers

If you check info on your visitors, have you noticed you get almost no info about Chinese visitors? The only thing I ever see is the city they are coming from.

Its no biggie, but interesting nonetheless.

Bush looks to historic parallels for final legacy

IMHO, Bush can look under rocks, behind the bookcase and in his own shorts. His legacy is shit. He's the worst president I've been witness to and probably, according to many, the worst president ever.

Hey, the good news is he'll make the Guinness book of world records.

The president believes it will take some time to determine his place in the pantheon of presidents, despite the negative assessments some historians have already made.

"I don't think you'll really get the full history of the Bush administration until long after I'm gone. I tell people I'm reading books on George Washington and they're still analyzing his presidency," Bush told CBS' "60 Minutes" in an interview last month.

Many in the current crop of historians are already prepared to declare Bush's presidency a failure.

(read more)

Car bombs kill 55 in Baghdad, despite crackdown

I'm sure the residents are feeling all comfy knowing there's a crackdown underway.

Two car bombs tore through a busy shopping area of a mainly Shi'ite district of Baghdad on Sunday, killing 55 people and wounding scores as militants defied a military offensive by U.S. and Iraqi troops.

The blasts came just two days after Prime Minister Nuri al- Maliki trumpeted what he called the "brilliant success" of Operation Imposing Law in quelling sectarian violence that has turned the capital's streets into killing fields.

But U.S. generals, mindful of a similar crackdown last summer that failed, have been more cautious and warned any downturn in violence might be temporary as militants adapt their tactics to meet the new strategy.

And duh, the militants aren't stupid and can adapt? Who the hell could have predicted that? Just asking.

A "brilliant success" my ass. Even though the militants^* are laying low, they are still very lethal.

I always say I'm no military expert, but...

This is the militants/insurgents fight. They have the passion, equipment and tactics needed to engage in guerrilla warfare. They will never stop nor be defeated. This is their fight and the US has no right to be in it.

^*I really don't know what term to use. Militants? Insurgents? anti-occupation fighters? Enemy? Terrorists?

Perhaps we need a new term such as defenders because they are fighting the soldiers of a foreign country which illegally invaded and occupied their country. They're defending themselves just as most Americans would do under similar circumstances.

(read more)

Iran: US will lose in the Middle East

Duh! Its already happened. The Iraqi and Afghan insurgents can't be contained nor defeated and that makes them the winners by default. At this point, remaining in Iraq is futile and costing the unnecessary loss of life. Perhaps re-directing efforts on Afghanistan might be beneficial, but I have my doubts.

Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said Sunday the United States will not achieve its goals in the region, state television reported.

"Realities in the region show that the arrogant front, headed by US and its allies, will be the principal loser in the region," the broadcast quoted Khamenei as saying in meeting Syrian President Bashar Assad.

(read more)

The Kabul helicopter crash

(Update below)

This is exactly why one must peruse many news sources and try one's best to sort out the truth.

From Reuters:

Eight U.S. military personnel were killed when their helicopter crashed in southern Afghanistan after reporting engine failure on Sunday, the U.S.-led coalition said.

Another 14 were injured, a U.S. military spokesman said.

From L'Agence France Presse:

A coalition helicopter has crashed in southeastern Afghanistan after reporting engine failure, the US-led force said, refusing to confirm that all on board appeared to have survived.

The chopper came down before dawn in the southeastern province of Zabul, about 250 kilometres (155 miles) southwest of the capital Kabul.

It was a Chinook transport helicopter, a military official told AFP on Sunday. Chinooks can carry around 30 people but the coalition would not say how many people were on board or give details while rescue efforts were under way.

A US military official from the region said on condition of anonymity that there were injuries "but we expect everyone to survive." [emphasis mine]

So L'Agence France Presse, a usually reliable source, says it was a coalition helicopter whereas Reuters says a US helicopter.

L'Agence France Presse says there were injuries, but no fatalities. Reuters says 8 died and 14 were injured.

Folks, bloggers can be as accurate as "respected" news sources.

Here at SPIIDERWEB™ I would probably report 8 people died in a US helicopter crash in Kabul because Reuters is one of several news sources which have said the same thing. They probably got it right.

To be fair to the L'Agence France Presse reporter, if you don't know all the facts, "coalition" helicopter is a safe term and quoting a source who says they expect no casualties is also good reporting. Considering the mayhem in Iraq, I'm sure it ain't easy to glean the facts necessary to write precisely. However, I should point out the Reuter's reporter did find the facts as did several others.

Reporting is a race. Perhaps the L'Agence France Presse reporter merely went first with what s/he had. I've been burned this way before and came to the conclusion its better to be a little slow on the up-take if it means I can be more accurate. Its each person's call, of course.

UPDATE: L'Agence France Presse has caught up on the story. A good sign.

Invaluable source of information on Iraq

Check out Reuters.

Indian Gov't to Raise Unwanted Girls

There are alternatives. Ya just gotta get creative.

Its unfortunate women are having abortions just because they're pregnant with a girl. The paramount reason is because it means the women and/or their husbands deem males superior to females which is ludicrous.

The Indian government plans to set up a series of orphanages to raise unwanted baby girls in a bid to halt the widespread practice of aborting female fetuses, according to a senior government official.

Dubbed the "cradle scheme," the plan is an attempt to slow the practice that international groups say has killed more than 10 million female fetuses in the last two decades, leading to an alarming imbalance in the ratio between males and females in India, Renuka Chowdhury, the minister of state for women and child development, told the Press Trust of India news agency in an interview published Sunday.

"What we are saying to the people is have your children, don't kill them. And if you don't want a girl child, leave her to us," Chowdhury told the agency, adding that the government planned to set up a center in each regional district.

"We will bring up the children. But don't kill them because there really is a crisis situation," she said.

On Sunday, police arrested a gynecologist and janitor at a hospital near the central Indian city of Bhopal after the discovery of nearly 400 bones from fetuses and newborns in a pit behind the hospital. It is believed they are the remains of unwanted baby girls.

(read more)

Soldiers Face Neglect, Frustration At Army's Top Medical Facility

Dr Walter Reed
This is a story you need to disseminate. Maybe someone with influence can encourage the government to correct this situation.

These people are sent off to strange lands where they sustain often irreparable damage and then they're treated like shit by those who sent them to those strange lands in the first place.

By Dana Priest and Anne Hull
Washington Post Staff Writers
Sunday, February 18, 2007; Page A01

Behind the door of Army Spec. Jeremy Duncan's room, part of the wall is torn and hangs in the air, weighted down with black mold. When the wounded combat engineer stands in his shower and looks up, he can see the bathtub on the floor above through a rotted hole. The entire building, constructed between the world wars, often smells like greasy carry-out. Signs of neglect are everywhere: mouse droppings, belly-up cockroaches, stained carpets, cheap mattresses.

This is the world of Building 18, not the kind of place where Duncan expected to recover when he was evacuated to Walter Reed Army Medical Center from Iraq last February with a broken neck and a shredded left ear, nearly dead from blood loss. But the old lodge, just outside the gates of the hospital and five miles up the road from the White House, has housed hundreds of maimed soldiers recuperating from injuries suffered in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Five and a half years of sustained combat have transformed the venerable 113-acre Walter Reed Army Medical Center into a holding ground for physically and psychologically damaged outpatients.

The common perception of Walter Reed is of a surgical hospital that shines as the crown jewel of military medicine. But 5 1/2 years of sustained combat have transformed the venerable 113-acre institution into something else entirely -- a holding ground for physically and psychologically damaged outpatients. Almost 700 of them -- the majority soldiers, with some Marines -- have been released from hospital beds but still need treatment or are awaiting bureaucratic decisions before being discharged or returned to active duty.

They suffer from brain injuries, severed arms and legs, organ and back damage, and various degrees of post-traumatic stress. Their legions have grown so exponentially -- they outnumber hospital patients at Walter Reed 17 to 1 -- that they take up every available bed on post and spill into dozens of nearby hotels and apartments leased by the Army. The average stay is 10 months, but some have been stuck there for as long as two years.

Not all of the quarters are as bleak as Duncan's, but the despair of Building 18 symbolizes a larger problem in Walter Reed's treatment of the wounded, according to dozens of soldiers, family members, veterans aid groups, and current and former Walter Reed staff members interviewed by two Washington Post reporters, who spent more than four months visiting the outpatient world without the knowledge or permission of Walter Reed officials. Many agreed to be quoted by name; others said they feared Army retribution if they complained publicly.

While the hospital is a place of scrubbed-down order and daily miracles, with medical advances saving more soldiers than ever, the outpatients in the Other Walter Reed encounter a messy bureaucratic battlefield nearly as chaotic as the real battlefields they faced overseas.

On the worst days, soldiers say they feel like they are living a chapter of "Catch-22." The wounded manage other wounded. Soldiers dealing with psychological disorders of their own have been put in charge of others at risk of suicide.

Disengaged clerks, unqualified platoon sergeants and overworked case managers fumble with simple needs: feeding soldiers' families who are close to poverty, replacing a uniform ripped off by medics in the desert sand or helping a brain-damaged soldier remember his next appointment.

(read more)

Pakistan's 'Pir Double Shah' said to double money in 70 days

Perhaps money does grow on trees in Dubai.

I know I'd seek him out if I had any money I could spare. Hahaha. Oh, that hurt. Money to spare. Hahaha. Oh no, I typed it again. Spare. Yeah, sure.

Authorities in Pakistan's rural Punjab are wary and investors are getting worried about a man who doubles the money given to him within 70 days.

How Sibtul Hasan Shah, now popular as 'Pir Double Shah', can double whatever sum is invested with him within 70 days is not known. His brother and front-man Intezar Shah said the business was in collaboration with some Dubai-based partners involved in 'stocks' there.

The Daily Times reported Sunday that the suave and good-natured teacher-turned-businessman is himself becoming rich. He has opened branch offices and appointed agents to spread his business. Doubling of money through any banking system in South Asia generally takes anything between four to seven years, depending upon the prevailing interest rate that is stipulated by the government and monitored by the central bank.

(read more)

Israel, U.S. May Shun Palestinian Gov't

I have a stupid question. I've seen this in "negotiations" with Iran, Iraq and NKorea, to name a few. Is it still considered diplomacy if you insist the other team play only by your rules? Just asking.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said Sunday that the U.S. and Israel are in total accord on shunning any Palestinian government that doesn't meet international demands to recognize Israel, renounce violence and accept existing peace accords.

And I won't even get started on how much influence the tiny nation of Israel has on US foreign policy in the Mid-East. Nope. Won't go there.

(read more)

Lunar New Year's eve in Suzhou

Too kewl pix. I stole all of them from Xinhua.




Citizens appreciate a large water performance,
including music, fountains, lights and fireworks
displays - Lunar New Year's eve, Feb. 17, 2007,
in Suzhou, east China's Jiangsu Province.
(Xinhua /Wang Jiankang)

Les Roberts: Iraq's death toll is far worse than our leaders admit

This is a very good analysis of deaths in the Iraq conflict. And it appears ya ain't being told the truth.

On both sides of the Atlantic, a process of spinning science is preventing a serious discussion about the state of affairs in Iraq.

The government in Iraq claimed last month that since the 2003 invasion between 40,000 and 50,000 violent deaths have occurred. Few have pointed out the absurdity of this statement.

There are three ways we know it is a gross underestimate. First, if it were true, including suicides, South Africa, Colombia, Estonia, Kazakhstan, Latvia, Lithuania and Russia have experienced higher violent death rates than Iraq over the past four years. If true, many North and South American cities and Sub-Saharan Africa have had a similar murder rate to that claimed in Iraq. For those of us who have been in Iraq, the suggestion that New Orleans is more violent seems simply ridiculous.

Secondly, there have to be at least 120,000 and probably 140,000 deaths per year from natural causes in a country with the population of Iraq. The numerous stories we hear about overflowing morgues, the need for new cemeteries and new body collection brigades are not consistent with a 10 per cent rise in death rate above the baseline.

And finally, there was a study, peer-reviewed and published in The Lancet, Europe's most prestigious medical journal, which put the death toll at 650,000 as of last July. The study, which I co-authored, was done by the standard cluster approach used by the UN to estimate mortality in dozens of countries each year. While the findings are imprecise, the lower range of possibilities suggested that the Iraq government was at least downplaying the number of dead by a factor of 10.

Even if you ignore the last paragraph because of perceived bias, its clear the numbers you see and reality are pretty far apart.

(read more)

We're talking scrota here.

This started as a comment over at Bitch PhD, but was getting too long.

I've never seen anything wrong with giving my children medical terminology about body parts.

As for the pig's corkscrew penis, research raccoons. They have a bone in their penis with a hook on the end so the female doesn't "get away". (snicker)

Not sure whether this post can stand on its own without reading Bitch.

Must Read IMHO

Its over at Bad Attitudes. Its short. Go now.

Test your vocabulary skills

OK, I've not doubted my vocabulary is pretty good even though I use little of it, but spelling the words ... pshaw.

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

As a service to my readers

Vegetarians are evil.

Perhaps Couretney Cox is losing it

I try to avoid "celebrity" posts, but some are necessary. Why do agents and PR reps let these people talk?

1. Pull your pants up. You're not fifteen, you're not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass.

2. Pull your pants down. You're not eighty-five, you're not an accountant, and we don't need to see the shape of your balls.

3. Breasts are not a speed bump to the promised land.

4. Yes, we want you to be more verbal. No, burping doesn't count.

5. Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body.

6. Speaking of which, though it might make for a cool carnival sideshow, our entire face will not fit inside your mouth, and thus this makes for lousy kissing.

7. If we're crying and you're holding us and get a hard-on, we automatically deduct points.

8. And getting a boner while we're sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up. This is not what they mean by serendipity.

9. We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it.

10. You don't get a vote in the preferred shape of our pubic hair. Until you've had hot wax poured all over your crotch, you're merely a passenger on that flight.

Number 2 confuses me.

(courtesy link)

This guy needs help