Spiiderweb™

Guaranteed to offend

Yes this is a re-tread.

I stole this whole post from Watertiger, including the title. Please forgive me, but its how the internets tubes work. I particulary relate to #5.

It wouldn't be the first time I've offended someone today.

From an email I just received. My favorite is #9.

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

1. Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia: I Think I' ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder: Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - Can I Have a Chocolate, Why is France so Far Away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Fortunately, I suffer from only 8 of the 10 disorders.

Perhaps I would change #5 to Manic/Depressive - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....Oh the hell with it. Tear it all down.

Labels: war on Christmas

Xmas Eve

Usually I'm banging the drum in teh War on Christmas©, but if you insist on celebrating, might I make a suggestion?

A few years back I dated a Chinese Malaysian who said she was taking me and her daughter to Singapore for Christmas Eve. Wow! thought I, that should be the perfect place to spend the night before Christmas, celebrating with a bunch of Chinese in Singapore who are most likely Buddhists to start with (snicker!).

Was I surprised. It is the best place to be on that night.

They block off many streets, most notably Orchard Road (must see), set up stages for their greatest professional performers, shoot off fireworks (they are Chinese, duh), the crowd comes from all over the world, the beer flows like prohibition will start the next day. I think you get the idea.

It is one big fucking party with thousands of "guests". My girlfriend and her daughter decided to call it a night at about midnight, but I decided to go out for one last look around at the festivities. By now most in the crowd were pretty "happy" from all the drinking. I had many and I do mean many girls give me hugs as I walked through the crowd.

I got back to the hotel room at about 2.00 am. Yeah, I'm a lightweight. Had trouble sleeping for a while (probably the hugs) and went to the window at about 3.00 am. The streets were approximately half as crowded as they were at 9.00 pm, but the party was still going strong. I did soon fall asleep and have no idea when the party broke up. My guess would be at sunrise.

Its being Singapore, the street were as clean as Disneyland by about 10.00 am Christmas Day. No evidence the party had even happened.

Addendum: No you won't see SPIIDERWEB™ on Orchard Street. Can no longer afford such trips.

Labels: Singapore, war on Christmas